How could you? How could I? How could we?
by Josie4am
Summary: "You really hurt me." "I know." "Why didn't we ever make this work?" "We were young." She felt his grip slip away. It was time. "I'm going home to my son and you should too." Angsty one shot. This is a quick apology for disappearing for awhile.


She heard voices.

Having the better sense not to enter given the nature of her mood and the inevitable conversation that lay in her wake, the blonde woman busied herself with playing with her ponytail as she waited for the voices to die down. She just needed something, _something_ to distract her from the yelling in her head.

The voices grew louder.

Sighing, she removed her ANBU mask. Might as well, she'd be here awhile, it was dark, and no one would see her. She was in need of some conditioner for sure, her roots were drying out. Not that she cared about vanity for vanity's sake, at least not anymore, but she made her living off of her looks. Lives were saved and sparred off of her beauty; it was her duty to maintain them.

She wondered how her son was doing.

She wondered if he was getting ready for bed somewhere or staying up to play some new shooting video game. That boy was her pride and joy. Thank goodness he was driven and focused on his nin career, much more so than she was at his age. The alternative would have led to a motivational spiritual ass beating on par to the ones she bestowed upon her ex-teammate. She hated seeing potential go to waste and ever since Inojin was a child he was praised for being clever and observant, perhaps even more perceptive than Shikadai. Inojin and Shikadai were fast learners and fierce competitors, both attempting to become their generation's first jonin. The boys were so close, almost like brothers, they were good for each other.

A thought gnawed at the back of her thoughts.

Inojin was a little younger than she was when the Fouth Shinobi War broke out, not by much but still.

Right. She was upset.

When it came to dismantling and disruption she possessed all the necessary skills. Seduction, infiltration, information gathering; she was the best of the best.

She had been in some hairy situations, escaped with an inch of her life, had a seduction go wrong, fail to eliminate a target or eliminated too many targets, but never had she returned from a mission feeling like this. She did not sleep a wink the entire journey home. Her heart had not stopped pounding with anger and betrayal, she was a ticking time bomb and she knew it. The mission had been a success because of course it was. All she had to do was play young, dumb, loyal, and vulnerable for a while.

The voices died down and she reached for her mask and began to shift.

No, she stopped herself from charging in. She would do this with an air of perfect professionalism. Out of spite, she agreed to herself that she would give the manual example, book by book definition of a mission report. _Make him squirm, control the situation._ She would not lose into her temper especially not to him.

Letting her chakra flare to inform the inner party of her presence, she was met with silence.

Then came the swish and click of the window opening.

She did not move an inch.

There came a loud tired deep sigh.

It struck her that this would be the first familiar face she would encounter since being away for eight months.

A minute passed.

"Enter."

Wordlessly and silently she appeared before his desk, keeping her head bowed.

"Well?"

The dimly lit room grew thick. She remained silent, focusing on her breathing. He would get it eventually, he always does. She could hear as he shifted in his chair awkwardly. The flutter and crinkle of papers being shifted around seemed to echo in sparsely decorated office.

He sighed yet again.

"Mission report."

Finally. She raised her head swiftly and promptly spoke.

"Mission reporting in on Mission sound thief infiltration Class S." She paused

A chill swept the room. She watched as he frantically placed pens, paperclips, desk ornaments on top of his paper stacks to keep them aligned.

"Go on?" He grunted halfheartedly as he struggled.

Silence

He got up to close the window.

"I opened the window so you could come in that way by the way."

Silence.

"Ugh, affirmative."

"Mission sound thief infiltration Class S reporting in as a success."

"Understood. You are dismissed. Payment will be processed through-"

In a rage of fury she ripped off her mask and threw it on the ground.

The echo kept her grounded in her fit. She looked down, it was dented.

"Are we really doing this right now?" His tired eyes burned into her skin. She felt her face flush with something more than just rage.

"Listen up you lazy shit rag-"

"I thought you might be like this. Troublesome."

"No," she exclaimed, stomping as she stood. "You actually do NOT get to say that right now."

Bright searing blue eyes locked onto shadowed black ones. He would give her this moment, he always did.

"What strategist endangers his people by not- "

"I'm, I'm glad you're home safe Ino." Her resolve swayed ever so slightly. He looked tired, alone. She didn't realize that she'd taken a step toward him, the urge to touch him and be touched by him was slipping through the cracks.

"You're absolutely idiotic." She spat the words unsure if they were directed toward herself. "You don't get to sit here acting all tired like you care when you sit here full knowing, fully _deciding_ who lives and dies."

"I specifically asked them to not give the mission to you."

"Yea well I guess they wanted someone they knew that wouldn't fuck it up. Good ninja have been dying faster than we can fill the positions, know anything about that? Nara? Hey, your timing? It fucking sucks. You're lucky that I could bring down that fucking damiyo and expose him."

The silence that greeted her only fueled her anger.

"We were on the verge of _war_ and you didn't think it was important to neutralize the threat early on because you didn't release the mission dossier on the OFF chance that it would be given to me."

"…It was written with your skills in mind."

"Of course you did, there's no one else that can do what I do, there's no one that understands how you work more than me."

There was nothing subtle about the way his eyes darted from her eyes to her lips.

"I can't lose anyone else in my life."

"So you gamble with the lives of the village? You gamble with the lives of our kids? We were young once, we faced war. Our fathers were the ones that sacrificed themselves so that we could stand here today like this. And look at you this is what you've done with their memory."

"Here's your stupid report full of proof of your dumb incriminating negligence." Her voice shook against her will as she produced a small booklet from her vest and threw forcefully threw it at his desk.

"I couldn't lose you "

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I don't want to hear any of this 'oh I was protecting you I was so torn' bullshit. I'm a grown woman I can take care of myself and my family."

"I-"

" I- I can't believe you. I always followed you. I looked up to you. You're supposed to do your job so I can do mine. You're supposed to be the one protecting the village. You're supposed to keep our operation in order and you're supposed to send you best and brightest onto the field so you can continue sitting up here in this ivory tower while the rest of the world is in chaos." She suddenly realized her face was wet with hot tears. "You're supposed to be the one that brings order. I don't know if I ever want to trust you again."

Turning around she wiped the moisture form her face, refusing to let a sniffle out before she exited his office.

"I know, you have every reason to hate me, I was selfish." Determined to have the last word, she looked back.

"Ha, don't act like I'm the only one that knows _jus_ t how selfish you are Nara. You didn't give me the chance to protect my son or your son the way that our fathers and their fathers before them did until it was almost too late."

She heard a deep voice resonating in her ear. She felt a warm breeze on her neck. Suddenly strong arms pulled her back.

She did not comprehend the explanations whispered against her ear. Frantically she gripped that arm around her stomach that held her back against his chest to push them away. Against her permission her arms forced him to hold her tighter, as if she'd fall apart without his support.

There was nothing she could do about her tears that fell freely now.

He was wiping her tears; she was clinging to his arms. Unsure of if the pounding in her ears was her heartbeat or his, a fleeting thought warned her was a mistake.

How could this be a mistake if after all these years she couldn't choke these emotions?

Wordlessly, she tasted his bittersweet lips against her own. There was nothing she could do now, she'd done the best she could but it was Shikamaru.

"You came back home." He nuzzled his head gently against her neck. Ino always came back to Shikamaru. "How could I send you into the lions den for almost a year?"

"It's my job." She was his loyal spy, how could she not be?

Strange feminine hands were unzipping his vest and he responded to the stimulus in a frenzy. She soon recognized the same hands that run up and down his bare toned chest as her own. Pressed against his body she kissed his neck as he breathily fumbled with her pants. She could feel each defined line against on his body against her own. Despite the years that had passed she still knew how each would move, the sensation of his body his desire burned down to her bones. She felt his need grow against her as her toyed with her gently. A gasp escaped her lips.

She heard a dark chuckle and shivered as it she felt his body rumble against her. He took advantage of her surprise and swept her up, sitting her on his desk.

Powerful hands ran up her thighs and she leaned back, relaxing and allowing him access.

He had her panting with need in no time. Considering it was him, she wasn't surprised that she wasn't the only one that remembered how the other needed.

Her toes curled with need while she tried to not strangle his head between her thighs. One hand had a death grip on the edge of the desk; one hand was messing up his neat ponytail. Her mind numbed.

A small moan escaped her quivering lips.

He looked up at her to give her a warning look. She whimpered and bit her lip, pressing his head back into her.

She felt him stifle a small laugh at her need. Ino did not care. She knew he could not judge her, she had far more reason to hate him than he did her.

When another moan finally escaped her lips he pulled away.

His lips were swollen, his hair disheveled from her pulling and scratching. Half of his face was shadowed in his dim office. His eyes were for the first time in a long time burning with something other than complacency and indifference.

It wasn't fair that he looked at her like this.

Before she could speak he pressed a hot kiss on to her. Reflexively she flung her arms around his neck and melted into her childhood friend. She could taste her need for him on his lips and felt his need for her burning into her thigh.

His arms found their way underneath her and for the second time she was lifted by him.

She clung harder, bare chest to bare chest, as she felt him brushing himself against her she gasped. He paused. The desire hurt too much.

Despite the years and despite the betrayals their story never ended. On the contrary this continued and blossomed, behind closed bedroom doors, behind bottles of alcohol, behind excuses, behind children, behind spouses, and now even his very office held the truth of one of Konoha's closest held secrets. It was only him. Only he made her burn with more than desire, with regret, with pain, with need, with something more raw. She never intended to be this kind of woman and she knew he never intended to be this kind of man.

"Do you still…?"

"Always." Her voice unwavering, knowing she was out of her mind but then again so was he.

They dressed silently in the shadows.

She had him sit while she helped him pull his hair back into his signature ponytail trying to drag out the moment. Their time was always too short.

"I hate not being able to touch you." Surely he'd let her this one brazen moment of weakness.

His hand reached up and gripped her wrist.

"Why do we fight so much?" He asked uncharacteristically.

"Your timing sucks, you got engaged first dumbass to a political figure no less."

"Troublesome, you got married first."

"You really hurt me."

"I know."

"Why didn't we ever make this work?"

"We were young."

She felt his grip slip away. It was time.

"I'm going home to my son and you should too."

He grunted, continuing with his pile of papers as if nothing happened. Good.

"Shikadai sure takes after you."

"Likewise," his brow furrowed. "It's weird actually."

"Well yea, same, Shikadai has got those lazy Nara genes. It's ridiculous you know? Inojins been hanging out with your son too much and slacks off once in a while."

"No I meant Inojin looks just like you. It's a statistical anomaly considering, well, you know."

"Know what?" She asked placing a hand casually on her hip. The action immediately made her question whether or not it was coming off as forced.

"I mean consider Shikadai, he looks all Nara save the eyes."

"Yamanakas are just more stubborn than Naras."

"Well I guess it wouldn't matter all that much if he didn't look like you, you've got a type, dark hair, dark eyes."

Wordlessly she picked up her mask and put it on, time to go back to normalcy.

"Well I'm just saying he's a bright young man and around the time that you and I-"

"He's not yours, your family didn't invent intelligence." She said condescendingly, falling easily back into their old rhythms and bits.

The look in his eyes told her all she needed to know.

She was trying too hard; her voice cracked ever so slightly at the end.

"Thanks for you report and hard work." He called after her as she left, his voice full of promise.

"Next time you fuck up with the security of Konoha I'm going to murder you."

She could still smell the love of her life on her skin but his warmth was a million miles away.


End file.
